December 2009
textsfromlastnight:
(626): He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
textsfromlastnight:
(210): masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
danielledecember:
textsfromlastnight:
(817): i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
(512): in retrospect, i probably shouldn’t have referred to his dick as “travel size”
(303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
(1-303): At about the same time you guys weren’t burritos.
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, “I’m not David.” Then, with an Italian accent, he said, “It’s-a-me! Mario!” FML
Anybody who thinks the way to a man's heart is...
(via eletheowl)
So today, my sister was being an annoying little...
weasleylove:
T******t.
Psychological Fact;
bigbrat:
myelectriclegacy:
When a person cries and the first drop of tears comes from the right eye, It’s happiness. But when the first roll is from the left, It’s Pain.